This is not a pleasant letter to write, but one that
must, nevertheless be written. I have made it a point
to remain open minded and level headed about the
situation with my father, both for your sake and for
the sake of Joseph, who I hoped would grow up knowing
both of his grandfathers. Unfortunately, it looks like
it won't happen.
I hope that you know that I hold you in the highest
esteem. You are the most devout, most righteous
woman--no, person--I know. For the last few years
people have been wearing those bracelets that ask
"what would Jesus do?" Whenever I've been at a
crossroads, the first question I'd ask is "What would
Grandmomma do." I love you with all my heart and thank
God for providing such a strong role model for walking
in faith.
I know you love my father and would I never ask you to
abandon any relationship with him. As a father, I
could never ask you as his mother to deny him the kind
of loving, nurturing influence you've provided me. And
as a son who was abandoned by a parent, I would never
wish that experience on another person.
However, there is something that you must understand.
As much as I hate to say it, the dream of a fully
reconciled family is something I fear will never come
to pass. There have been a few points when it might
have been possible, but now I think too many people
have been hurt, disappointed or otherwise affected.
There is only one person responsible for this: my
father.
A few things I feel it is important to remember.
First, he abandoned his family--all of us. He
abandoned his wife. His three children. His brothers
and their families. And you. He was not chased away.
He was not kicked out. He freely chose Karen over the
rest of us. He took money from family and friends and
left them high and dry. You even made the effort to
find him and bring him back--an effort that was in
vain.
Second, conditions of reconciliation with his brothers
have been spelled out plainly. He stole Mike's
identity which hurt Mike's credit. He left
Barry--barely even an adult at the time--feeling like
he had to help you make ends meet. Both have ample
reason to simply refuse to see him ever again. But
they had only one condition: do right by his kids. Me,
Amy and Michael.
I have tried to let him be a part of my family. On
three separate occasions over a two year period, we
talked. He expressed an interest in meeting, to which
I said okay, leaving it to him to choose a time and
place. A choice he never made.
When the time finally came, it was at Ginger's
funeral. We went to chuch, then breakfast and made
some small talk. He said he hoped this was a new
beginning, and I agreed. We went to Ginger's funeral
(where I then learned no one else knew he was coming).
Afterward, we went to my house, where he met Melinda
and Joseph. Joseph, obviously noting the Thompson
resemblence, gave him a big, loving hug. Sat in his
lap.
We talked a bit more, and he left. He called about a
week later and said he enjoyed the visit. He discussed
the possibility of helping me with some house work. He
said this wouldn't be a one-time thing.
I haven't seen him or even heard from him since. I was
hoping that wouldn't be the case, but I had prepared
myself from the outset that it might be. It was just
like I was twelve again, waiting anxiously for him to
come visit us from Panama City Beach, only to get a
call four hours after he was supposed to have been
there saying he couldn't make it.
I have tried to be a good son; now I must be a good
father. For two and a half years, I have left the door
open for reconciliation; all he had to do was step
through it. He didn't.
He abandoned my once. He showed up in Panama City for
a while, only to abandon me a second time. Now, after
Ginger's funeral, he has essentially abandoned me
again. While I was prepared for it, after seeing how
easily Joseph trusted him...well, I refuse to let him
hurt Joseph the way he hurt me and Amy and Michael. I
will not let Joseph get close to him, only to have to
explain the inevitable hurt or disappointment that
will obviously come.
Therefore, the door is closed. Perhaps not locked, but
I can't think of anything offhand that he can do that
will ever convince me to open it again. He has taken
even my most guarded trust and violated it. I will not
open myself, Amy or Michael to that again, and I
definitely will not expose Joseph to it.
The last thing anyone wants is to hurt you. But he has
made it obvious that he has no interest in
reconciling. In spite of what he may say, he is simply
unwilling to take any effort (it's not like I've made
it difficult) to rekindle any sort of relationship.
And I'm sorry, but I don't buy his "fear of rejection"
excuse. I made it clear on several occasions that I
was willing, as has Amy. He had no "rejection" to
fear, and he has known it for at least two and a half
years.
It is my belief that he does not care for me, Amy or
Michael in the least, and feels no responsibility to
act as a parent in any regard. He is consitiently late
with the child support money he owes us. Money that
Mom needs to pay off the rather large debt she
incurred caring for us and putting us through school.
If he cared--or at least wanted to be a responsible
parent--he'd do whatever it took, even if it meant
working two jobs. Mom has done it. I've done it. It's
not very hard, but it's inconvenient. And if
inconvenience is all it take to keep him from making
the effort, then it's obvious he doesn't care.
For someone who claims to be such a changed person, it
doesn't sound to me like he's is following Christ's
example...or yours. He may or may take great care of
Karen and their daughter. But simply slipping into a
new family doesn't expunge his responsibility to the
family he threw away. Even dismissing what he did
before he "found Christ," his present actions simply
don't fit.
I forgave him the first two times he cast me aside. I
forgive him for this third time. I won't hold a grudge
against him...but I won't give him another opportunity
to do it--to any of us.
What's worse is what it appears to be doing to you.
You have always been the most spiritually guided, just
person I have ever known. That is why this whole
scuttle over Faith's wedding confuses me. If my father
should be welcomed back even though he has made no
effort whatsoever to reconcile or be a part of his
children's lives, why shouldn't Faith's father when he
not only wants to help Faith's relationship become
legitimate in the eyes of God, but wants to pay for it
as well.
Personally, I have more respect for the man who wants
to be a part of his daughter's life and flies in the
face of the rest of the family than the man who
doesn't want to be a part of the rest of his family,
when all it would take is being a part of his
children's lives.
With love and concern,
Danny
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Posted Danny
at 4:46 PM CDT
